well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she smelled like a LAN party
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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