I hate all girls vehemently.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
