It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize
