I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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