You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
