Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
