in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
