If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
