god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
