My liver just broke up with me...
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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