very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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