a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I will be naked everywhere
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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