"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
