Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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