You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
