Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
