Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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