if you like me you must not know who I am
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
