im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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