I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
we should paint friendship bongs
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
