he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
