In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
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you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
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I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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