Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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