you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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