i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
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We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
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I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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