you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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