It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
