the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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