Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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