he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
