the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
