His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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