so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
