considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
