it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
