I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
