Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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