So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
