I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
