I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You smell like stripper and shame
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Watching her eat just hurts me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
