Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
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I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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