Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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