I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
