I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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