Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
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Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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