Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
