it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
