the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
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