It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
