To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
