She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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