I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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