Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
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I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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