1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
