I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
