Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
