I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
