it was like his penis was on wheels.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
