I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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