That's when you crack a 10am beer
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
