I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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