dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
