I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's never too late to be topless.
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
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If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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