I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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