just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
