After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
