That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
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and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
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Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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