All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Small penises have feelings too.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Randomize
