I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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