She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
