To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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